I was just about to approach him and ask if he wanted to jam, when some skank that claimed I was the father of her baby jumped in front of me and cussed me out. I got out of there in a hurry and missed my chance to play with...Jimi Hendrix. You think that was the end of the story? WRONG! I later found out that Jimi was shagging that crazy chick who ruined what I thought would be my only chance to jam with him. About a month later I get a call from some yank claiming to be Jimi and saying his old lady told him about a great guitar player she knew (that's me you idiot). He went on to tell me about some 3 day outdoor music festival he was invited to play and wanted to know if I would join him on stage. Showtime...my first trip to the states. It was my bloody luck that it started to rain right before Jimi was to go on stage. I decided to wait until he started playing, then run on stage and join in and introduce the USA to the Siff Vilis experience. It was a great plan until I slipped on the stairs leading up to the stage and fell 10 feet down beneath the stage scaffolding.

I borrowed a suit from my buddy Ernie Jr. and had a photo with the President after he gave my band a tour of the White House. He then asked if we would play at his daughter Jenna's birthday party!

 I must have blacked out from hitting my head because I woke up in my underwear 2 days later under a pile of garbage with a peace sign painted on my chest. Ha bloody ha...what a great first gig.

I spent most of the 70's back in England trying to recover my pride...you know how the saying goes, "The answer is at the bottom of the bottle." I kept on playing, telling myself my day would come (and then probably go) but I didn't care, I just loved to play. Money came and went as did the women...I had a gig "collecting" past-due accounts for a local business man who owned a club in London and let me play there when he couldn't book anyone else.

During the mid 70's I started coming into my own and developing my own playing style. There was a new scene that I was into and it was all about individuality and doing whatever the hell you wanted! There were bands like The Clash, The Damned and The Dead Boys just to name a few, and I knew they would break this scene wide open! One day I was reading Sniff'n Glue Magazine and I saw there was a band looking for a guitar player. This was my big chance, so while I was on my way down to audition I decided to stop and get a "pick-me-up" that would help me take my playing to the next level. Well, that little "trip" cost me the gig because in the time I wasted driving around town, some wanker named Sid became the new bassist for...The Sex Pistols.

At some point during the 1980's I found myself back in the states. I was sick of England and wanted a change so I made like the Pilgrims and ended up in Boston. I soon learned that there were a lot of great musicians and bands that played in the clubs so that's were I spent most of my time.

One night I was in some hole-in-the-wall club watching a band that called themselves Motley Crue. These blokes could sure pack a house...full of loose American women! This was my type of place and I didn't waste any time finding a lucky lady who would be going home with Siff Vilis! As I looked around, my eyes couldn't pull themselves away from this chick standing near the stage watching the show. She was about 5'5 (5'11 if you count the hair) which was black with purple streaks. Her skin looked pale and soft and she had heavy black eye liner around her eyes and red lipstick on her perfect lips which wrapped around the tip of her beer bottle quite nicely as she sipped it. What a body! She was wearing a ripped T-shirt that said "RATT" across the front (whatever that means) which was barely covering her amazing rack! My eyes made their way down and focused on her perfect ass and toned legs that were wrapped in some tight stone-washed jeans which tucked neatly into her purple high-heel boots.

I made my way over to her but before I could say a word, I stumbled over a dip in the floor and spilled my beer all over her white T-shirt. I stood there like a moron while she swore at me and stomped her heel into my Reebok high tops then kicked me square in the balls. As you can imagine I went down like a ton of bricks and managed to squeeze out a "Sorry" while trying to catch my breath. Apparently she heard my accent and took pity on me because she figured I was new in town and probably didn't mean it.

The longer the show went on the more we drank and got to know each other. She said she was dating the drummer and as I looked around the place it seemed like most of the girls there were as well. Well blah, blah she ends up buying what I'm selling and we end up at her place. While she is turning the key I lean in and smell her hair. Marlboro (reds) and Aqua Net makes for quite a combo, and if you are lucky enough to get that close, well you've just about got keys to the bloody castle!

"Make yourself comfortable" she says, so I oblige. A short time later, she comes out of the bath wearing a leather corset, lace panties and black boots just past her knee and she's holding a lit candle in one hand and a paddle in the other. "You don't mind a little pain, do you govnah?" Now at this point I imagine most people would ask "What the hell have I gotten into?" So I yelled "Long live England!"...The next thing I knew it was morning and I awoke to find her sleeping quietly next to me. I nudged her a bit to wake her up and asked if she could take the handcuffs off now. "Oh Sorry", she said and quickly unlocked them. "That drummer I'm dating is tiny compared to you, I didn't know what I was in for! I can't believe you don't have a holster for that thing!"

I finally decided to ask her name..."Carrie", she says and then tells me "Come on, we'll save water if we shower together." Well, it turns out that Carrie thought her friend Greg would dig the way I played guitar, so we went to visit him at work. My jaw hit the ground when we pulled up to WAAF, the biggest rock station in Boston! Carrie introduced me to this chap and we became mates. I became a regular on his "Hillman" radio show and he told me he would pass my demo tapes to the right people and with a little luck I would catch a break.

Some time later, a bloke by the name of Paul Geary from Global Artist Management called and said he loved my demo and wanted to help get me signed to a record deal. Paul said he couldn't wait to introduce the world to Siff Vilis and that I should meet with him as soon as possible.

I spent a lot of time at Paul's office, and became VERY friendly with an intern named Desire. This was a girl who loved a good shag! But, she was also into some wild stuff...(I sure can pick 'em) I had no idea it was so hard to breath through a zipper mask! She even had a black paddle with the phrase "FAH-Q" embossed in it. The best part of it all was that I didn't have to do any work, I just had to sit, crawl, get walked on a leash or lay there and she took care of everything. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can still smell the leather...!

In the 90's something finally went my way. My band, "The Afflicted" toured all over North America and opened for the likes of Anthrax, Van Halen (with David Lee Roth) Twisted Sister and Motorhead just to name a few. The touring lifestyle had taken it's toll on my body and mind and I knew it was time for a break. I finally married my long time girlfriend Gona Rhea, who was one of the most famous (topless) models at the time. We settled in the Hollywood hills and had a couple of little runts to call our own.

Well here we are, the new millenium. I'm about as domesticated as I can be so there is only one cure for that...WORLD TOUR! Before "The Afflicted" can get on a tour bus we have to show our label that we still got what it takes, and that costs money. After making some calls for what regular people call a "job" I remembered hearing that a bloke by the name of Ernie Boch Jr. who used to screen "talent" for our backstage parties was now a successful car dealer in Massachusetts. I made the call and after catching up and talking about old times he said he always had a place for an old mate. So save a rock star! The more cars I sell the sooner "The Afflicted" can spread its mayhem to a new generation.

F-off! - Siff

P.S. If you want to contact me, Ernie gave me an email address - Siff@Boch.com

Do you want to learn to play like SIFF? Click here to check out our guitar game!

Click the logo to check out the T.V. promo I did for some network wankers who made a show about INXS searching for a new singer. Must have QuickTime.

 

Here's Desire the intern the way I like to remember her...	A promo photo for our new single titled "It Burns"
Me standing in for Ozzy with the late Randy Rhodes while he was on holiday for "exhaustion"	Me with Judas Priest standing in for Rob Halford before they hired Ripper.
Here I am meeting Priminister Tony Blair at a benefit for music and culture in London. At first I thought he was Clay Aiken… must be the ears.	This was my short stint with KISS during the 70's. I was forced to quit because the female fans liked me better than Paul.
This is one of the outfits Carrie wore that night...	Cover art for my band
	Me and my tour manager Fred, partying backstage at Ozzfestd>